How It Started
by filchsfilingcabinet
Summary: Set in "All the Coloured Lights Universe". Sixth year Hogwarts student Sirius Black discovers, to his horror, what it's like to fancy the pants off your best friend.  Disclaimer: No profit is being made, I do not own these characters


**A/N: _**All** _**_the Coloured Lights Universe_ - 6th year at Hogwarts. **In which Sirius says "bloody" a lot and Remus is French and teases Sirius.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

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><p><strong>pity<strong>

I didn't realise how flustered and stupid I would get. I didn't realise that I would have to ignore the sharp dive my stomach took every single time he smiled at me. I suddenly felt bloody sorry for all the girls who felt like this when they looked at me. 

**French toast**

Remus _caught me staring_ at him during breakfast. He was pouring tea and eating eggy bread covered in way too much sugar and frowning slightly as Pete talked animatedly next to him, waving his hands around and then picking up his wand. A couple of people near him winced in apprehension.

"It's this really brill spell for getting the burnt bits off toast," he said, rapping his wand enthusiastically. Nothing happened. Pete was disappointed. Remus was probably going to say something comforting when he caught me. Staring at him. His eyes widened and he started to blush, even as his gaze started to fix upon me. I came to my senses and looked away, suddenly very interested in... let's say... the Hufflepuff table.

"I thought it would work. Maybe it was less of a jab and more of a swish..." I heard Peter say dejectedly.

"Hey, Pete," I called over to him, using the opportunity to show off and try and forget about what I had just done. "Like this?" I waved my wand once and there was a strong whoosh, like a gust of wind, that rippled down all the tables in the Hall.

There was a sudden silence and I felt everyone's eyes on me, and I grinned - I could no longer tell which eyes belonged to Remus. I vaguely heard Professor Flitwick saying something from the staff table, but I couldn't listen to a single word he was saying because someone's foot had suddenly hooked onto mine under the table. Remus gave me a wicked grin. 

**He can keep my secret**

He hadn't touched me for a week. No accidental brush of the hands or legs, no wrestling, no whispers, no punches, no hands placed on backs. Not a thing. _It was making me crazy. _Remus would occasionally stretch out a leg at breakfast or dinner, and mine would twitch, but they'd never touch.

Now it was even harder to pretend that I was normal, because if I was, then I wouldn't _want_ him so badly. He was in my dreams constantly. He was all I bloody thought about. No wonder girls were so mental all the time, if they had to feel like this.

He was in the dorm by himself when I stumbled clumsily into the room.

"Hi," I said, wishing I didn't sound like such an idiot.

Remus just smiled, pushing his parchment away and getting to his feet. My heart was pounding so much it was going to jump into my throat any minute now. Which was stupid, since he was only walking over to me and – He was only closing the door.

"Hi," he said softly. He withdrew his hand slowly from the door and placed it on my cheek. It was a ripple of shock, frissions of heat leaping from his fingers to my skin. I breathed in sharply, scared, excited. Remus traced a route from my cheek to my lips and made them open with a slow circle of his thumb.

"We can't!" I panicked, even though we hadn't done anything yet.

"I'm good at keeping secrets, Padfoot," he said softly although he did remove his hand. I was stricken, expecting him to sneer or worse, leave. Instead, without breaking his stare into my eyes, he raised his hand to his mouth. It was the one that had made a map on my lips. His stare became very intense, his eyes turned dark and delightful. He kissed the very bottom of his thumb slowly and deliberately, even closing his eyes at one point in apparent enjoyment, flicking his tongue out to lick his own skin.

Remus opened his eyes and gave me a sort of official nod and his special wicked smile. _Look what you're missing out on,_ that's what he was saying. 

**French noise**

"The square root of a Protego charm? _Euuhhhhh_," Remus made that ridiculous French noise. Why couldn't he just say "Um" or "Er" like Prongs? In fact, why couldn't the lot of them just learn to speak bloody properly, without these ridiculous long pauses between words? When Remus made sounds like that, it made me think about him groaning into my ear, his hand on my - And why did Remus have to touch his hair and _lean over just so –_

I closed my eyes and thought about unattractive things like silverware and Astronomy charts.

"That's it! You got it! _Tres bon! C'est magnifique_!" he cried out joyfully and I bit the inside of my lip. _Sirius Phineas Elladora Sirius Cygnus Belvina Arcturus… _Not even the family tree could get the sound of Remus speaking French out of my head. 

**slip of the tongue**

"I know your secret. I know you're in love with me. I _know_," he said triumphantly, staggering a little.

"Ha, ha, wha- you, you're drunk," I tried to deflect him.

"I've always known it. Let me kiss you, Padfoot."

"OK, you're really drunk."

"You want me to. I know that too."

He was close to me. Far too close. I closed my eyes as he wrapped an arm around my neck, nuzzling against me. I inhaled the familiar scent of him and was immediately – stupidly – comforted and aroused at the same time. Just as I became aware of this, I felt lips pressed against my neck, peppered along my jaw, on mine… I gasped and his tongue took over my mouth for a second and just as quickly it was gone again, and Remus was pressed as close to me as he could get, clinging like a static sock, kissing my ear and murmuring _its okay its okay_ over and over even though it wasn't okay, it _wasn't okay_ at all. 

**l'esprit de l'escalier**

We weren't speaking. I couldn't even look him in the eye. How could one evening spoil a friendship of over five years? How could one moment make me question everything I thought I knew about myself? How could one tiny, _barely even there_ kiss unanchor me like this? In my head I made up conversations between me and Remus, trying to fix what he had done. I thought about punching him more than once. This wasn't fair. How could he _do_ this to me? 

**when we want, we can**

I sighed as I unwound the Gryffindor scarf from around my neck, creeping back into the common room. These secret night-time Quidditch games were becoming ridiculous. I continued to show up out of nothing more than pure loyalty to James - it was so bloody cold that I simply couldn't hang around waiting until even the _Snitch_ got bored and ended the game by flying up Danny Ferdia's nose again. (He was the worst Seeker I'd ever seen.)

I re-lit the fire and sat there for a while, glad to have some time to sit alone and thaw. When the red flames faded to a muted orange, I headed up the stairs, colliding with Remus as he tried to leave our room. We both tumbled inside and started speaking at the same time. We stopped. I waited for him to speak. He waited for me to speak. I stared at him helplessly.

Then _he messed at his hair. _It was such a simple gesture, so familiar to Prongs, and it was my complete undoing.

Remus stared at me only for a split second because I had pulled him into me, my fingers curling into his hair. We stood there and I tried to not shake. My heart was doing leaps inside my chest, as though I'd jumped off a broom mid-flight.

"We can't – I don't want to get expelled," I muttered, twisting away, away from his touch. His mouth was almost on mine.

My heart was still going mad, could he hear it? He took a step back.

"Neither do I," he said finally but he looked hurt. I leant back into the door, feeling oddly disappointed.

Remus whispered my name hoarsely. I couldn't look him in the eye. _Please don't say my name like that, Moony_.

"It doesn't matter if we don't tell anyone, no one can tell us it's wrong if they don't know about us," he continued, stepping forward and locking the door and then his hand, oh gods, his hand had slipped inside my shirt –

"_Quand on veut, on peut_," he murmured and god help me, I let him. _He kissed me and I let him. _I understood finally, what it was I had been missing. 

**French kissing**

_Sweet bloody Merlin, Moony, **what** are you doing with your tongue_?


End file.
